Sherri is a Cat
Well-Known Member
Someone keeps telling me I write well, that I can "spin a good yarn". I originally posted this in another forum 5 years ago. People seemed to like it. I'm copying it here for the person who seems to enjoy my writing.
That anyone thinks I can write blows my mind. I'm a math/science person. Physics, chemistry, biology, horticulture, statistics, calculus, trig... I did very well in these classes.
But composition? I had to work my butt off for those grades. My aunt was an English professor at a prestigious university. She started grammar lessons with on day 1 of my life. I'm still confused...
So any, I wrote this several years ago and I'm re-posting it here for Condobloke.
****
How could you be so dumb?? I've been a happy computer since the day you brought me home. But what you did recently boggles my CPU mind.
Aren't we supposed to be laughing at the ridiculous things your husband does?? That poor HP....No Windows Updates, no security updates? He deletes his recovery files because he doesn't want clutter and 'Unnecessary Files' taking up space on the hard drive. He sprays the monitor and keyboard with water to clean them. Downloading dangerous files and you have to go clean up the messes.....
I always felt so important and well cared for until now. All my software up to date. Compressed files and so forth. You're so cautious browsing the internet, careful not pick up malware along the way. I was never dirty, on the inside or the outside. I even have my very own air purifier to protect me from the dust and kitty fur.
So you can imagine how shocked and very hurt I was when you didn't think about me a few weeks ago. You were sanding the floors and plaster in the back room, ALL DAY LONG! You and your stupid little besty the sander having a ball while I'm working overtime providing music!
I get so angry when I think of all the things you could have done to keep me safe. But oh no, you did absolutely NOTHING to protect me. NOTHING AT ALL!!!
If you cared anything about me, at the very least you could closed the door in the room where you were sanding. And if you loved me at all, you could have done so much more than that..... Seal the door off, turn off the A/C and open the windows in that room. Yes, this summer is a lot hotter than most, but at least I would have been SAFE! You and your friend the sander could have waited until Fall to do your stupid project! You could have covered me up with a towel! You could have done any number of things. Your so anal sometimes, I'm surprised you didn't remove me from the house all together!
But there we were...
Me and my friend the air purifier doing her best to keep me safe! But it's just too much. The dust! The dust! OMG! THE DUST! It's so thick, it's settling on everything in the room! OMG...my USB ports, the ones on the front... The openings are facing up! Dust is falling into them. Oh no! The speaker, the mic port and.... I have no idea what that other thing is, but it's getting covered too! What do we do?
My poor, poor little friend .... her filter is covering over with dust so fast! She's choking on it!...Now she's crying... crying because it's soooo hard to breath..... Crying for me...... She sees the dust disappearing behind the vents in my tower.... She cries some more, even harder now because she's helpless to stop it.
I'm trying to be strong for my friend, I won't let myself cry. 'It's okay little air purifier. She loves us too much to let this go on much longer! She'll be here any second now, I just know it! And she will feel so bad.... She'll be apologizing... feeling horrible that she was so thoughtless...!
Finally, a few hours later... You FINALLY show up! My heart drops at the site of you, I love you so much! I can't be angry, I know you wouldn't do this on purpose, that you'll never do this again!
You walk right up to me grabbing the mouse.... Thank God! You're here to turn me off and clean me up... I just knew you would remember!
'You see little air purifier? I was right, I knew she would come soon and she..."
Wait a minute, something's not right....what are you doing??? You looking at the MEDIA PLAYER?? No way, I can't believe this, you came in here to change what's playing?? LOOK AT ME!! Don't you see all the dust?? I'm choking on it! I can feel it all over my MOBO, my fans, it's EVERYWHERE! My friend is dying here, she needs emergency care!
Hey!!! Where are you going?? Don't walk away when I'm talking to you! DID YOU HEAR ME? i SAID DON'T...........
I can't believe you're back there again with the sander!
I don't know how much longer the air filter is going to last. She's really quiet now, I can barely hear her pulling air through her filter. She's not crying anymore. I'm getting so scared now. When is this going to end?? I could just quit... I could just lay down with my friend. We can leave this cruel world together. Maybe it's just not worth it anymore.....
You saw all the dust when you came in later that night. You vacuumed. You wiped things down. You changed the A/C's air filter. But all you did for me was to wipe down the tower. You didn't bother to look closer, You didn't even notice the air purifier. I was too tired and dirty to try to get your attention, too tired to even be angry.
I was so depressed then, but now I'm just ANGRY!
It was an ENTIRE WEEK before you realized that my insides might be dirty! I can't believe how selfish you are! Yeah, you finally cleaned me up. It took the better half of a day to do it too. Serves you right!
I'm GLAD you had to take out the fans, the video card, practically gut me to get everything cleaned up. You don't know how LUCKY you are! Lucky that my friend and I are okay. You cleaned us, but we are still mad. I should quit working out spite. You need a good scare!
I've been talking to our neighbors, the monitor, keyboard and mouse, the speaker system and the printer. They all say they think they are fine, but time will tell. We had a meeting about you, deliberated about what we should do.... Some of us are angrier than others. Some wanted to leave you, some wanted to break down to cause trouble for you. I won't say who, but someone thought about causing a short circuit in their innards that would hopefully catch fire....
Speakers has been with you the longest. He said that he joined the family close to ten years ago and you've always been good to him, protected him, kept the cats from knocking them over and such. He said the whole time he's known you, you've never done anything so stupid. He said that he's been around since Booh-Kitty I, your first PC. He reports that she died gracefully and so have all the other Booh-kittys. It's only because of him that we were all able to agree to give you a second chance.
But we are not letting you off easy. We are putting you on probation. We can't say for certain that none of us are going to suffer longer term handicaps as a result of your senseless cruelty. At this point we have no idea if we'll be able to make it to our expected life terms. We've decide that your probation will be indefinite. As long as you don't do anything so stupid again, we will all do our best to function normally and live as long as we can.
I want you to realize that you've totally destroyed our trust in you. We want a written statement of apology and acknowledgement of stupidity. Hopefully, one day maybe we can all be a happy family again.....
Only time will tell.
Sincerely,
Booh-Kitty VII and the gang.
That anyone thinks I can write blows my mind. I'm a math/science person. Physics, chemistry, biology, horticulture, statistics, calculus, trig... I did very well in these classes.
But composition? I had to work my butt off for those grades. My aunt was an English professor at a prestigious university. She started grammar lessons with on day 1 of my life. I'm still confused...
So any, I wrote this several years ago and I'm re-posting it here for Condobloke.
****
How could you be so dumb?? I've been a happy computer since the day you brought me home. But what you did recently boggles my CPU mind.
Aren't we supposed to be laughing at the ridiculous things your husband does?? That poor HP....No Windows Updates, no security updates? He deletes his recovery files because he doesn't want clutter and 'Unnecessary Files' taking up space on the hard drive. He sprays the monitor and keyboard with water to clean them. Downloading dangerous files and you have to go clean up the messes.....
I always felt so important and well cared for until now. All my software up to date. Compressed files and so forth. You're so cautious browsing the internet, careful not pick up malware along the way. I was never dirty, on the inside or the outside. I even have my very own air purifier to protect me from the dust and kitty fur.
So you can imagine how shocked and very hurt I was when you didn't think about me a few weeks ago. You were sanding the floors and plaster in the back room, ALL DAY LONG! You and your stupid little besty the sander having a ball while I'm working overtime providing music!
I get so angry when I think of all the things you could have done to keep me safe. But oh no, you did absolutely NOTHING to protect me. NOTHING AT ALL!!!
If you cared anything about me, at the very least you could closed the door in the room where you were sanding. And if you loved me at all, you could have done so much more than that..... Seal the door off, turn off the A/C and open the windows in that room. Yes, this summer is a lot hotter than most, but at least I would have been SAFE! You and your friend the sander could have waited until Fall to do your stupid project! You could have covered me up with a towel! You could have done any number of things. Your so anal sometimes, I'm surprised you didn't remove me from the house all together!
But there we were...
Me and my friend the air purifier doing her best to keep me safe! But it's just too much. The dust! The dust! OMG! THE DUST! It's so thick, it's settling on everything in the room! OMG...my USB ports, the ones on the front... The openings are facing up! Dust is falling into them. Oh no! The speaker, the mic port and.... I have no idea what that other thing is, but it's getting covered too! What do we do?
My poor, poor little friend .... her filter is covering over with dust so fast! She's choking on it!...Now she's crying... crying because it's soooo hard to breath..... Crying for me...... She sees the dust disappearing behind the vents in my tower.... She cries some more, even harder now because she's helpless to stop it.
I'm trying to be strong for my friend, I won't let myself cry. 'It's okay little air purifier. She loves us too much to let this go on much longer! She'll be here any second now, I just know it! And she will feel so bad.... She'll be apologizing... feeling horrible that she was so thoughtless...!
Finally, a few hours later... You FINALLY show up! My heart drops at the site of you, I love you so much! I can't be angry, I know you wouldn't do this on purpose, that you'll never do this again!
You walk right up to me grabbing the mouse.... Thank God! You're here to turn me off and clean me up... I just knew you would remember!
'You see little air purifier? I was right, I knew she would come soon and she..."
Wait a minute, something's not right....what are you doing??? You looking at the MEDIA PLAYER?? No way, I can't believe this, you came in here to change what's playing?? LOOK AT ME!! Don't you see all the dust?? I'm choking on it! I can feel it all over my MOBO, my fans, it's EVERYWHERE! My friend is dying here, she needs emergency care!
Hey!!! Where are you going?? Don't walk away when I'm talking to you! DID YOU HEAR ME? i SAID DON'T...........
I can't believe you're back there again with the sander!
I don't know how much longer the air filter is going to last. She's really quiet now, I can barely hear her pulling air through her filter. She's not crying anymore. I'm getting so scared now. When is this going to end?? I could just quit... I could just lay down with my friend. We can leave this cruel world together. Maybe it's just not worth it anymore.....
You saw all the dust when you came in later that night. You vacuumed. You wiped things down. You changed the A/C's air filter. But all you did for me was to wipe down the tower. You didn't bother to look closer, You didn't even notice the air purifier. I was too tired and dirty to try to get your attention, too tired to even be angry.
I was so depressed then, but now I'm just ANGRY!
It was an ENTIRE WEEK before you realized that my insides might be dirty! I can't believe how selfish you are! Yeah, you finally cleaned me up. It took the better half of a day to do it too. Serves you right!
I'm GLAD you had to take out the fans, the video card, practically gut me to get everything cleaned up. You don't know how LUCKY you are! Lucky that my friend and I are okay. You cleaned us, but we are still mad. I should quit working out spite. You need a good scare!
I've been talking to our neighbors, the monitor, keyboard and mouse, the speaker system and the printer. They all say they think they are fine, but time will tell. We had a meeting about you, deliberated about what we should do.... Some of us are angrier than others. Some wanted to leave you, some wanted to break down to cause trouble for you. I won't say who, but someone thought about causing a short circuit in their innards that would hopefully catch fire....
Speakers has been with you the longest. He said that he joined the family close to ten years ago and you've always been good to him, protected him, kept the cats from knocking them over and such. He said the whole time he's known you, you've never done anything so stupid. He said that he's been around since Booh-Kitty I, your first PC. He reports that she died gracefully and so have all the other Booh-kittys. It's only because of him that we were all able to agree to give you a second chance.
But we are not letting you off easy. We are putting you on probation. We can't say for certain that none of us are going to suffer longer term handicaps as a result of your senseless cruelty. At this point we have no idea if we'll be able to make it to our expected life terms. We've decide that your probation will be indefinite. As long as you don't do anything so stupid again, we will all do our best to function normally and live as long as we can.
I want you to realize that you've totally destroyed our trust in you. We want a written statement of apology and acknowledgement of stupidity. Hopefully, one day maybe we can all be a happy family again.....
Only time will tell.
Sincerely,
Booh-Kitty VII and the gang.
